awakening

The Little Fam - Christmas 2010
(I am so grateful)

It's the end of the year, and I've been doing some reflecting. There has been no New Year's Resolution-making. That's self reflection, and as important as that can be, it isn't the sort of thing I've been doing lately. I'd like to read more and be more crafty, but at the moment those things seem insignificant.

In some ways this year and part of last year were filled with loss. But I think we're coming out on the other end now, stronger and loving each other more. These were gains.

I don't want to dwell on the losses, but I can't ignore them. Most of it has happened over the past three months, but since last summer, 2009, we've experienced job loss, two cars gone bad, loss of a friend, pregnancy loss, the passing on of Jono's grandpa, lots of sickness thanks to daycare, and some (major) compromise of our ideals for how we'd like to raise our family.

The gains, on the other hand, were qualification for a government program or two (ha), learning how to be gentle with each other, and the trust we needed to generate for one another and for God. Also, a certain reverence for the concept of a part-time stay at home parent. If we ever have this good fortune again, we will never take it for granted.

I am looking forward to a new year. I'm not going to stop eating ice cream, so that's one thing to be happy about. What I'm anticipating is a light that is coming, and it's so bright I can't see what's in front of me. I don't want to see it, I just want to get through it.

Happy New Year. It's going to be good.

Thanks for reading.

i thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitable earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any -- lifted from the no
of all nothing -- human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

- e.e. cummings