two at once

My two precious boys

This blog, it still exists.  I actually did three posts today, so scroll down a few to read the oldest to newest, if you're into chronology. 

I am not a natural multi-tasker.  So even in a "normal situation", having two kids to chase around was going to be a new frontier for me.  I thought I might start blogging more once I became a SAHM.  This strikes me as hilarious now.  Down the road maybe...

My first few weeks alone with the boys was like The Crucible, burning all of my old, selfish habits into ashes to bring out new ones that would better serve my family.  That's kind of dramatic, but it felt that way.

Here are some things I learned to do:

1. I nursed and wiped a butt simultaneously.
2. I nursed, pulled up Thomas the Train undies, and wiped up spit-up within three seconds of each other.
3. I nursed and played "Old MacDonald" on the harmonica.  I corrected my wrong notes when asked to do so by Jude, and lactated without pause.
4. I nursed and had hundreds of non-stop conversations with Jude, since it was his habit the first four weeks to talk from about 8:30 am until 1:30 pm (naptime) without taking a breath (he was feeling insecure, I think).
5. I nursed and fielded requests to be bonked with a "boopis hammer" made of tinker toys.
6. I held both boys as they screamed, and pictured myself in a padded room as Mona added to the chaos of sound by howling to be let outside.

I bragged to Jono about my ability to nurse and wipe a butt at the same time when he got home from work because I needed to find my glory somewhere.

I also learned to contain my panic when I was peed and spit up upon at the same time, or when poop came flying toward my chest.  I trained myself not to mind so much when a hot torrent of spit-up cascaded down inside my shirt, or down my pants. (The warmth of it actually reminds of one of my favorite scenes in Dumb and Dumber where the two guys are riding a scooter together. You know the one.)  I learned that when I start forcing a pacifier into Theo's mouth a little too zealously, it's time to pass him off to his dad.

The first Pacifier Forcing Incident, Theo had been fussing all day, and it was now late and dark.  He had a food allergy to dairy and soy that we didn't know about yet, so he'd had a stomachache for almost two months and we were thinking it was reflux/colic.  I came storming down the stairs, babe in arms, and caught Jono with a tortilla chip halfway to his mouth.  His eyes were wide and the chip stayed suspended there as I told him how Theo needed to be held by someone other than me.  I passed him off and stormed back upstairs where I hid in my bed.

Back to the food allergy, though.  My baby boy had a few relatively minor issues that kept cropping up during his first three months.  In addition to the soy/dairy thing, he also had thrush, an umbilical hernia and feeding issues that required an insane amount of pumping.  During that time, I would show up at my parents' house like a hurricane, the three of us sucking everyone around us into the vortex of fussy-baby Hades.  My brother Grant would roll out of bed and stand in the kitchen watching me fry an egg while rocking a crying Theo in the car seat with my foot, frantically answering Jude's 200th question, and he would shake his head and say, "Your life...".  I would say in a steely, fakely optimistic voice that it would get better soon.  Wouldn't it?

The worst day was the one where I was forced to be naked downstairs holding Theo for about four hours. He was taking a little nap and I foolishly thought I could squeeze in a shower. I shut off the water to hear him screaming, so I practically did a swan dive down the stairs in my haste to get him. Then he wouldn't let me put him down for the rest the afternoon, so there I was, bare bum to the world, or anyone who cared to walk by our house that day and glance into one of our windows.

We've turned a corner now, but we're still a little out of breath. I do love my precious boys, and I do love being home with them.  I'm hoping posting will become a little more frequent now, but no promises.  Thanks for sticking around :)