Working Girl

It's official. As of September 1, I was back to being a working girl.

This is nothing new. I've been working since I was 13. But I've had a golden nine months "off" now (all stay-at-home and work-at-home moms are laughing with me now), and it's time I started getting paid.

The first couple of mornings were the hardest. I didn't know when it would hit me, but suddenly it did as I gave Jude to Jono and turned around to grab my bag of work stuff. Hot tears. When Jono saw my face, he got them too. As I went out the door I waved. Jude stared at me with his mouth in typical Cheerio mode. His chubby arm stayed by his side.

By the time I sat down at my desk things were okay. How I felt about things this week changed by the hour.

When I got up those first couple of mornings to bacon and eggs on the table, I thought "Hmm. This is above and beyond." When I was making good progress on something at work I would think, "Hmm. I can see how some women can't do the stay-at-home thing." When I would get home and Jono would be making some exotic Indian dish for me, I would think, "Hmm. Not bad." When he cleaned up afterward, baked some blueberry muffins, made a batch of cookies, and packed me a mid-morning snack for the next day I thought, "Hmm. This is crazy. My husband is Susie Homemaker. And I LOVE it."

Then night would come, darkness would fall and I would start to get a little anxious. I worried Jude wouldn't reach for me any more. I worried my relationship with him will change; that I'd start feeling differently about him somehow, and that it wouldn't be as good. I worried about becoming the "secondary parent". I worried I'd lose confidence in parenting him because I don't see him all day.

This morning I woke up and it was low-drama Friday. I smooched Jude's cheek goodbye and left the house cool as a cucumber. After work I pulled into the driveway and he was in the front yard playing with my mom. I turned off the ignition as fast as I could, hopped out and peeked at him over the roof rack. He gave me the Cheerio mouth again and the bright little eyes starting to recognize and anticipate. We smiled big smiles at each other.

I scuttled around the back of the car, threw my bag and travel mug onto the sidewalk and ran for him -- he was doing the quick, excited breathing he does now when he sees me -- I scooped him up and it was like that moment in the movies when two people are embracing after running across a golden wheat field in slow motion. Except that one of us is a full-sized adult female and the other one is a short, chunky infant who can't walk.

Within seconds of our reunion, he started whining. To nurse of course. I am his personal milk-cow. But it's a sound I like to hear. Bubba still loves his mama.

So that's that. I'll be back to laughing hard when I watch The Office. As everyone knows, that show was made for people who work in one.