Jude Wipes the Floor with Martha Stewart

Step One: Roll the dough.

Step Two: Strain a muscle pressing a cookie cutter in
(while Mama apparently is having a nasal issue)

Step Three: Admire your work so far.

Step Four: Press one more shape into an empty spot
with your fat, dimpled hand.

Step Five: Put the cookies on a tray and then laugh about it with Grandma.

Step Six: Wait.

Step Seven: Take them out of the oven and make sure you look pinch-able.

Step Eight: After the cookies have cooled,
put them on a plate and set out your decorating materials.

Step Nine: Put some frosting on a cookie, or watch someone else do that part.

Step Ten: Use sprinkles liberally.

Step Eleven: Tilt your head in an irresistible manner.

Step Twelve: Eat one. Call Ms. Stewart and tell her you could make
better Christmas cookies than her when you were two. (Snap.)